Best Customer Reviews That Aren’t All 5-Star (Funniest, Most Helpful, Nicest)
We already had a laugh at the worst customer reviews we have ever seen, but now, the best customer reviews we have ever seen are also funny, but in an intentional way this time.
Firstly, why are we writing these?
We wrote Worst Customer Reviews Of All Time That Will Make You Laugh Furiously to show customers how not to review businesses and which reviews that businesses should try to get rid of. This was based on our personal business experience with bad reviews (not because we are a bad company, but because we have >1.7 million customers, so some of our reviewers….are not going to be the best statistically speaking).
Now in this article about the best customer reviews, we intend to show customers how to write a good review and businesses how to spot one
What to do if someone gives your business a good review?
- Reply to their review with a big thanks
- Private message them with a special offer to show your thanks
- Private message them to ask if it’s ok if you use their review on your website as a testimonial. You should offer an additional reward for this
Now for some of the best reviews ever!
We will sort these into categories to bring to light the aspects that make up a good review.
These may not be the best reviews in any other aspect, but they sure are funny.
“The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me.”
★★★★★ Freshness is key
This was by far the freshest milk I have ever tasted. It still had that ‘new milk smell’.
I poured some in strategic spots in my house and car, so I can enjoy the smell for weeks to come.
Took this bad boy to the top of the Chrysler building and threw it off. It shattered into a million pieces, exactly as expected. Completely satisfied, would highly recommend.
A HUman Person From Earth Like You Hates Alien Detectors!
by A Trustworthy Human
I, as a resonable and trUstworthy hUman, do not gleep nerp this ungood prodUct. Bad it is for Us hUmans to purchase and opperate this online pUrchasable prodUct.
As the person from Earth that I am, I think that all of my other fellow hUmans on Earth should immediately disUse and florgnify this Utterly Zorglefran, I mean bad item for bUying. Ha Ha. I am laughing with hUmor with the funny word I made up with my typing that I am not doing by direct thought extraction, and instant data transmission to Amazon.com website. Ha Ha. That was highly hUmoroUs and glerp.
UFO detectors are so dUmb because all humans from Earth like the one I am, know that we I mean they do not even exist! Ha Ha
Besides even if the alien friends did exist, who minds occassional anal probe for benefit of aliens that don’t exist glerp science! I, as a resonable and trustworthy human person from Earth sure wouldn’t mind helping our fUtUre overlords!
Do not bUy this prodUct.
Ok this last one is very funny so we included it here, but it does have the pitfall of still being a one-star review. For a business, one-star reviews are always more serious than funny so if your business got this review, you would have to message this alien and come to some agreement about changing the star rating probably in exchange for publicising this comment.
Most Helpful Reviews
Good all round!
Positives: bed was really comfy, shower great, breakfast had a good variety and was tasty, nice bar with good cocktails, good location and nice reception staff.
Negatives: room could do with a repaint, tv remote was temperamental and bath hose was broken.
Overall a great stay and would definitely stay here again.
Stayed: September 2017
This is a good review not because it gives the hotel a high rating. It actually gives it one less than 5/5 stars. It is good because it concisely lists the positives and negatives in a way that is fair and also useful for both other customers and the business. If the business wants to increase its service to five-stars in this consumer’s eyes, it knows exactly what to do.
★★★★★ Great customer support!
The delivery of my order got a bit delayed by a couple of days but that’s my fault. I didn’t know that I gave an incomplete address so my order was sent back. Thankfully, the folks at Carbon Coco were nice enough to tell me about the problem and they even re-sent my order for free. I’ve been using it for a couple of weeks now and so far, I’m pretty happy with the results.
This is a testimonial for just one aspect of the product—the customer support. Customer support is crucial to customer’s trust when ordering online, and one of the best ways to gain trust is through testimonials, so this is exactly the kind of review you would want to showcase as a business.
I like how the review is just a factual recount of an experience—very trustworthy. Also, it isn’t over-the-top lauding the product. Most reviews are either overly positive or overly negative, but this review that says that he is “pretty happy with the results” is more realistic.
★☆☆☆☆ Good Product but not at all recommended
I have purchased two of these in last 2 years owing to the fact the they are really useful when they work but will just die all of sudden. Great product in terms of what it does but noting the price and the life span, it is not at all recommended. My issue with the airflosser has been that it will turn on but will not floss i.e. there will be no air and water/mouthwash droplets that will come out of it.
This is what would be considered a ‘bad review’. It is one-star and points out a pretty serious product flaw. However, it is the best kind of bad review, because it tells you the business what you can improve. This reviewer is not furious or hysterical, they acknowledge the strengths of the product however note that these can’t shine because of the serious flaw.
The customer support responds to this review very well. It says:
Hi, Maldee. Thanks for sharing your experience on this platform. However, we are sorry to hear that your Airfloss suddenly died. That isn’t supposed to happen, of course. Have you tried to charge the appliance for 24 hours yet? This sometimes does the trick. If this doesn’t work and you would like more assistance, please give us a call! This is our phone number in Australia: 1300 363 391.
Kind regards, The Philips Australia Team
We’re going to end this on a nice note. Here are reviews that are just nice. They make the business feel good, and give them some very powerful customer testimonials.
★★★★★ this is perfect!
flight is on time. staff is very warm, helpful and kind. i am really satisfied with all on board service and very happy with this trip.
This review is nice because it compliments the staff and really, it ticks all the boxes for a good review. It lists every important aspect of China Southern Airlines as being perfect. If your business gets a review like this, what more can you ask for?
★★★★★ Best car I ever owned
Using this car is always a good driving experience. The performance and handling is very good. The interior is roomy and quiet and very easy for a tall person to enter and exit the car. The car is very reliable. Running costs are low due to the hybrid design. Petrol consumption around city and suburbs with constant short trips returns about 5.6–5.8 litres/100 klms but on a recent freeway trip of 120 kms it used only 3.7 litres/100 even including 2 stops. There are too many features to mention. Has travelled 110,000 klms and I have had it since about 80,000 klms on the clock. I would buy another for sure.
This review sincerely claims that this car is the best he has ever owned. It’s a powerful commendation that would surely influence other prospective customers. Furthermore, this review could easily fit in the ‘Most Helpful Reviews’ category also. It goes into the specifications and stats in a way that is useful and that tells you that this guy knows what he is talking about.